I am away from social media these days, not only because of the hustle and bustle of everyday life, but because I am sinking more and more into unbearable anguish that has led me to spend days in a strange and depressing state of mind. , unable to get up. Enough joy even to wash dishes or play with my kids. The fact is, I was suffocating under a bunch of rules and laws that I thought were essential.
I had grown up in an environment of some control (being the daughter and granddaughter of a famous shepherd) and, in my deep fear of men, knowing that I could never be that person I thought I should be, I rebelled in secret for a moment to have a morbid pleasure at the idea that “ah, if people saw me doing this would be outraged!” But God, in his infinite grace, saved me patiently.
However, my heart, always stubbornly fearful of man, did not hesitate to return to bad habits.
As I gained a little more visibility through texts and lectures, I was tempted and again swallowed the lie that I needed to be perfect on the floor and in the room. wisdom to make people take me seriously. I started making up rules and laws in my head. I needed to know everything exactly and I could never be wrong (who trusts an advisor who makes mistakes?). I felt guilty when I spoiled the children to eat or when they spent the day with them inside the house instead of playing in the sun outside. He constantly wondered why he was so selfish not to consider homeschooling with children in the future. I felt like I was disappointing God by not waking up at 5 a. m. to read the Bible. I felt guilty and ashamed for wanting time off to work and study when (I believed) that a good wife should be 100% available for her husband to be successful in life. I blamed myself for the sins of my children. I cried for not being able to maintain a minimally distinguishable routine. I was horrified by my refusal or willingness to play with my children or do routine play activities with my baby. And it ended up immobilizing me with my endless to-do lists.
Dissatisfied, proud, ashamed, guilty and despondent by laws that I thought were necessary for someone to take me seriously, as if I were the source of any gift I might have.
But the fact has always been and continues to be that only one thing is necessary. One thing. A. Believe in Christ. By the time he proclaimed on the cross, “It’s over. “It’s over. I have nothing else to do but prove it to anyone. Nothing I do will more or less add to what Christ has already done. To rest. Oh seriously.
God once again helped me and kindly put in my way two books written by failed women like me that once again served me like a slap in my face. I wanted to share these with you: Contentment? Nancy Wilson and?Good news for tired women? (?Good news for tired women?) To Elyse Fitzpatrick. The latter is not yet translated, but I think it is worth risking English to read it.
There are many women here who need this stimulus, especially in an era of social media where comparisons and regulation have increased. I recommend your reading. I am immensely blessed, what a thirst has made me known even more to my Savior!May God sustain us and give us more of Him every day!How cute it is! Praying.