The following is an email I received from a brother who had sexual problems on his way out. Here’s my answer. The text has been modified to better suit, eliminating certain personalities, I hope it will be useful for someone.
As I told you before, I am 20 years old and I am going to university. It turns out that almost two years ago (I was 19) I started dating a sister at church. She is a daughter of God, committed to the Kingdom, loves the Lord and has always had the desire to dedicate herself to work, like me? he even dreams of doing missions. However, for two or three months, we have been terribly tempted in the sexual field. A few days ago we met at the door of a motel, but we ended up without going inside. And honestly, wasn’t that the reason for not entering into the fear of the Lord (at the time, I just wanted to satisfy the desires of my flesh)? it was just fear, insecurity, after all we are both virgins. The point is, even though we haven’t had sex, we’ve gone way beyond what is acceptable and we’re both devastated. The pastor of our church gives us all the support, disciplines us in love, offers us comfort, but I am about to give up. This is not the first or second time we have given in to a temptation like this. I feel completely disgusted with my own life, with my sin, but at the same time, I don’t feel the strength to continue fighting against it. I renounce all commitments I had with work in our church, because I feel disqualified, disapproved of the ministry. The ministerial work is very blessed, I cannot serve living as I am. I ask for prayer and help. I don’t know what’s happening to me, I don’t know how I got so far after experiencing so many wonderful things from the Lord. I questioned my own salvation, because how can a born again live so rotten? And this questioning consumes me. I wish I could get married, as Paul commands those who can’t contain themselves, and I’m organizing for that. But I am just an intern, and my family is not Christian and does not support the idea. In other words, I really don’t know what to do. Right now, all I want is the strength not to give up.
my brother
Your explosion really moves me. Peter was even wise when, counseling the youth, he declared, “Be sober, look at him; for the devil, your adversary, is roaring like a lion, looking for someone to swallow; to which I have stood firm in faith. , knowing that the same afflictions are fulfilled among your brothers in the world?(II Pe 5: 8. 9). I am also a young man (I am 18 years old), I also date the same girl for a long time (since I was 15 years old), we are also virgins and we have overcome many limits, so I can only agree with Peter: the same afflictions are fulfilled among the brothers of all the world, our opponent roars around us trying to swallow us with our own passions I had problems very similar to yours , today these struggles are much sweeter and rarer, but before defeat was constant and devastating, you know: I know your problem very well, I have suffered intensely and almost all the brothers. of our time are going through or have gone through at least very similar problems.
You know, I am a child, just like you. A man, not a child, should advise you here. I am glad that your pastor is providing you with support, comfort, and loving discipline. Love this man and hold on to him as much as you can. Go home, pray with him, grow with him, mature with him. “He who walks with the wise will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed? (Pr 13:20). Find men who love Christ, love the Scriptures and love holiness. Walk with them as much as they will teach you to be a biblical man. Your pastor and good friends will be important pieces to give you strength in this moment of struggle.
Dude, first of all, he doesn’t give up. You are not alone in your struggle, it is God who works in us both to want and to fulfill our sanctification (Phil 2:12,13), it is He who gives us strength and makes us walk according to the Truth. claim what can sanctify you,As Al Martin said, Saving Faith is the act of desperately throwing a desperate soul into the arms of an Almighty Savior. Go to Cristo. No you can do nothing alone, you must strike his body and make him your slave (I Co 9:27), but you will not succeed without throwing yourself with confidence and despair into the arms of Christ.
When my fight against this sin was more intense, I was able to list some biblical tips that I think will help you:
Being in love with Jesus, God does not take away our passions for the world when we yell at him, God offers us greater passion. Don’t we ever stop having youthful passions? (II Tim 2:22) when we believe in Christ, but the passion for Jesus must burn so strongly in us that other passions are ignored and mortified. Look for Christ in the scriptures, see good preaching, and pray a lot. God must be ignited in your heart, even if you are weak, will He seal the smoldering wick?(Isaiah 42:3).
Don’t forget you’re a pilgrim. Peter, in his first letter (2:11), tells us that we must refrain from the desires of the flesh that make war on our souls. He says he talks about this “like pilgrims and foreigners. ” We must take possession of this. awareness that we do not belong to this land. We mustn’t think of this world as our own. Sex, masturbation, pornography are passing and earthly things. There is a much deeper and more lasting pleasure and joy in the heavens. it’s your land, not here. Get rid of earthly absurdities and anecdotes. Put your mind and heart into what comes from God.
Save your heart. ” Above all, keep your heart, because it depends on him all your life?(Pr 4:23). I think this saying is categorical enough to dispense with any other comment. Sin begins in us (Pv 1:14),,15) and the battle begins in us. Beware of loving sin. If you’re wrong, yell at God before your bad desire manifests.
Protect your eyes. Job made a good pact with himself: “Did I make a deal with my eyes so as not to look at the girls in lust?(Job 31:1). To overcome our own desire, we must protect our eyes from greed. dating, we quickly protect ourselves from coveting a girl besides our girlfriend. The problem is, you’re not married, so you don’t have to covet anyone!Fight not to look at her with desire. Protect your eyes and protect your heart. If necessary, talk to your girlfriend to make her dress better when she’s with you.
Run! Imagine this scene: “You’re a fighter and your master talks about your opponents. He said, See this man? Do you see this one?Now, about that third of there, don’t even get close. Run away!?. In this analogy, we see a very important biblical truth. In Ephesians 6:10-12, we are commanded to resist the devil. In James 4:7, we are also taught to resist Satan. Already in Timothy II 2:22, we are commanded to flee the passions of youth. On this point, Paul Washer says that “it shows that the passion of his flesh and the unbridled sensuality of his culture is more dangerous than a face-to-face with the devil. “Continue the washerwoman:
“I know countless young Christians who have shown real evidence of conversion, and yet when they struck up a relationship with the opposite sex, they fell into immorality. I know that they memorize the Holy Scriptures, pray and even fast to be pure in their relationship, and yet they have fallen, because they did not understand that all the spiritual disciplines of Sacred Scripture could not save them from the passions of youth, they tried to wage a battle while God commanded them to flee. You cannot be alone in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex for an extended period without falling. Therefore, you should never be alone in a house, a car or anywhere else where lust and desires can ignite and failure is safe.
Fleeing was the greatest tool of God’s sanctification in my life. Going out without kissing my girlfriend, not being alone with her, going out almost alone on the phone and in very public places were ways we use to escape our desires. Don’t think you’ll have the strength to resist. The best way to fight, in this case, is to run away. It worked for me, it worked for other Christians, I ask God to work with you.
We have a bad habit of giving up all our activities in which we join because we constantly fall into the same sin. Don’t do that. Continue to serve your siblings as you have before. If possible, serve more. It will keep you busy and prevent you from snevering your time on what is in vain. Do not waste your youth, dedicate yours yourself to the Work of God. The days you’ve taken so far, take advantage now to evangelize with your girlfriend. I know, it’ll be super exhausting and you’ll feel like you’re distanced from the person you love. I felt it at first, but you will truly grow in God’s grace and strengthen your union. Find ministries of evangelization, translate texts, attend small groups that are truly biblical, preach on the streets, read the scriptures. Live in such a way that you can, in a few years, look back and say: for the world, I threw away my youth; but for God, he was more alive than anyone.
Trust that Christ will give you strength. I’ll just let God speak on this point, He expresses himself better than me: “Taking this for granted, that he who has begun a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ. ” (Philippians 1: 6). That by faith you are kept in the virtue of God for salvation, already ready to reveal yourself in the last time, in which you rejoice much, although now it is important, being necessary, that you be saddened a little by various temptations, thus for may the proof of your faith, much more precious than gold that perishes and is refined by fire, be found in praise, honor and glory, in the revelation of Jesus Christ (I Peter 1: 5-7). “My Father, who gave it to me, is greater than all things; And can someone snatch them out of my Father’s hand? (John 10:29). “Now, who can guard you without stumbling and present you blameless, with joy, before his glory? (Judg 24). For whom I also suffer this, but I am not ashamed, because I know in whom I believed in, and I am sure How powerful is it to keep my deposit updated? (II Tim 1:12).
Did Paulo say that? If you can’t contain yourself, get married. Why is it better to get married than to burn [or burn with desire]? (1 Cor 7: 9). Plan your wedding. Give up a master’s degree to be able to get married soon, transfer your course to the night so that you can work during the day, you know your routine and plans, analyze them carefully and plan, with your girlfriend, the marriage. We have created a million difficulties to postpone marriage. Of course, this is a very important step in our lives, but we end up putting marriage off too long. For example, I only intend to do my master’s degree after being married for a while and if I get a scholarship for that, with that I can get married a few years earlier. Look at your life, talk to your girlfriend and see what can be done. Of course, pray a lot about everything. “The heart of man can make plans, but the correct answer from the lips comes from the Lord? (Pr 16: 1).
Apart from these biblical tips, I have some practical advice that has worked for me and other brothers. They were all lived by me and, thank God, they worked. I advised some friends and it worked for them too. God it works for you:
Let the kiss go. Don’t kiss. It sounds difficult, but after a while you will see how blessed it is, kissing is not a sin, but it can lead to sin, as almost everything in life, as you are weak, it is good to cut the kiss once and for all. My girlfriend and I couldn’t do it instantly, so we started dating alone on the phone (which was tricky for us as we’re neighbors). This, in addition to getting rid of your sins, will help you and strengthen their union.
Having friends as a couple. There is nothing better than having friends who are also dating or married, preferably Christians. You can always go out to a restaurant or the movies together, etc. My girlfriend and I have two couples of Christian friends and it’s great to have a date. Better yet, you don’t have to give up romantic moments to be in a group. Couples just need to split up a little bit to have an intimate moment, but remember, at first it’s good to be alone with your girlfriend.
Pray together. The discipline of prayer is excellent for the Christian life and for your relationship. Find prayer groups or brothers willing to pray with you. Warning: don’t be alone to pray, sin is at the door!Always pray in communion with other believers.
Talk about things upstairs. Boyfriends need to talk, of course, but conversations are often useless and meaningless. They have acquired the routine of always reading the scriptures, good books, and seeing good preachings, not only that, but talking about what you have learned, sin will naturally lose its strength against you, because you are sanctified by the Word of God in your hearts.
Of course, this is all a struggle. A real war, it’s not easy. Sometimes, in the war against sin, we must resist the extreme of shedding our own blood (Hebrews 12:4). If nothing works and God rebukes you, prepare to rip out your eyes, hands, and legs (Mt 5:29). . If necessary, finish your appointments. It is better to be single in heaven than married in hell, it is not the first choice, but if nothing, even with all the struggle of the world, works, drastic measures must be taken.
Finally, remember: feeling dirty, disgusting, sinful, and depraved because of our sin, to some extent, is a good thing, because it reveals our sadness with our mistakes and proof of our regeneration. You are probably saved if you can say, “Sin is my burden, not my pleasure; my misery, not my joy. Now, this must not stop us and deprive us of our joy in Christ. When David sinned sexually, he wrote a psalm to God and said, “Give me the joy of your salvation again, and support me with a voluntary spirit?”(Ps 51:12). Pray that you may rejoice again in Christ’s work by a depraved man like you. That we are evil and that Christ is good!
You are already in my prayers. I cry out to God that he gives you the strength as He gave it to me, after almost two years of almost failure, God gave me the strength to fight, you know: with the strength of God it is possible to overcome any sin, Christ has already overcome them On the cross, our victory is certain, we will win.
By Yago Martins. © Return to the Gospel Website: voltemosaoevangelho. com Authorizations: You are authorized and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format, provided that you add the above information, do not modify the original content and do not use it for commercial purposes.