A night full of persistent glances and longer shadows, a night with an open mouth, but few words, a night when neither standing nor sitting is relieved, when red eyes hover over shortened breaths, a night when your spine refuses to stand and your hands seem too heavy to wipe away tears , a night when hours mean nothing, in which you are indifferent between sleep and awakening, while thoughts swirl like leaves in a well?I can’t go on without him. Sir, I don’t have one, why now?Oh God, not my son. Those nights, we want to be left alone. However, he whispers an unwanted voice.
He likes to find us in ruins. Our blood attracts the shark, didn’t I offer you something better than that?His murmurs of doubt pour salt over open wounds. He’s questioning. But the believing soul rises to face it.
Satan says: God must be extremely angry with you to hurt you so much
I fear that tonight I will confirm my greatest fear: that my God has finally abandoned me, I shudder to imagine if I am abandoned, right now, in this moment of great need.
You’re right to be afraid.
However, I must stick to the words of God’s promise: is it a lamp for my feet and a light for my way, not my darkened circumstance. There, I read that your children should expect anguish and persecution. My Savior’s question, as I recall now, is exactly the opposite of yours: why would you expect ease on the road to glory?
You’ve already told me about this narrow and difficult path. He made it clear that he had to wear a cross to receive the crown. “In the world, you will have afflictions, ” he promised. No, your word prepares me to be stabbed in the dark.
But why, after all that’s happened, do you still think you’re his son?
I have read about those who will shout to him on this last day “Lord, Lord” in a supposed familiarity, to which God will answer: “I have never known you. Are you far from me, you who practice wickedness?”I know well that some in this life assume it’s yours, but not really.
Exactly.
But it was evil men and women who took the name of the Lord, but renounced his commandments; they built their lives on the sand, not on the rock of their Word. By his grace, I love him, I am united to Christ, by faith and love to obey him, not perfectly, but systematically. My suffering doesn’t seem to prove that I’m one of those cheaters.
So does God even hurt his true children like that?
No way. At least not like that. His apostles teach us not to be surprised by the trials of fire; they call me to consider all the joy when unwanted pains knock on my door and wake me up at unexpected times of the night. these sufferings produce character and character as a result of hope.
Moreover, the painful experience of discipline, rather than being an orphan sign, is a sign of adoption. Hypocrites and liars avoid their crosses and punishments; sons and daughters don’t. Am I another heir to Christ? whenever I suffer with him so that I too may be glorified with him.
Also, even in this dark room, I can see the moon shining from my window . . .
Y?
Didn’t God say he established the order of his universe?The sun that follows its course of joy, the moon shining, the stars that remain asleep in its towers, the seas whose waves dance where men cannot?And when these things manifest themselves in successful unrest against their Creator, then, and only then will I have reason to begin to worry that he will not maintain his alliance with me?(Jr 31, 35-37).
I suffer, but I do it under that night light fixed in the dark sky, reminding me that he never stopped loving me, and that’s just one of the many reminders.
But if that’s how God treats his own, why remain his?
I don’t deny that God has hit me hard. I moaned: “No, I left my mother’s womb and naked I will return; The Lord gave it and the Lord took it; Bless the name of the Lord!”(Job 1:21). Now I know what it’s like to be like this, completely overwhelmed beyond my forces that I even despair of life itself. (2Co 1. 8) As the path stretches, I am tempted to return.
But I have been tempted before, and God has strengthened me with His grace. When my feet started tripping, did you support me? I walked with him on many sunny days to doubt his loyalty to me now. overcoming the coast will keep at bay the disastrous floods of affliction, which would otherwise overwhelm me completely (1C 10. 13).
But what about justice? It’s certainly irrational for you to get so hurt.
Thanks for the reminder. I always have to remember justice. My sins? Ah, their horror, they deserve more blows than this life can bear. The evils I practice are always more than my sufferings. I thank God even in this deep valley because he does not treat me according to my iniquities. Blessing, peace, joy must be the greatest surprise for any descendant of Adam.
Shall I shed for the love of the one who endures the greatest of my anxieties, my righteousness?The evils that come to me are small blows and bruises that dare not approach this cry of abandonment: “My God, my God, why have you helped me?”He builds a Babel with all human afflictions and will not approach the heights of the cross, where my Lord drank the cup of almighty anger in my place.
The one who hasn’t forgiven his own Son for me?How can I now deny your kindness? No, he’s doing well in my suffering. Everything’s working for me now.
Wait, do you blindly believe that God is doing good by hurting you?
Sometimes, I confess, I don’t see the good it does in my suffering, but it’s not always up to me to see it.
Wouldn’t you rather choose a nicer destination in this life?
I am soberly aware of the path I would choose if I were left alone, I would walk the path of tranquility and comfort, the one who has no clouds or storms, in doing so, would choose a path where I would have less comfort from my Heavenly Father, less comfort of His Spirit remains in me, less dependence on his saints, less fellowship in prayer, and less agreement with my Savior and King Jesus christ.
I would prefer that my sins should not be disciplined; would reject any pain. I would protect myself from tears, banish all weakness, and with that, I would miss the great reminder of my mortality. Your perfect power wouldn’t rest on me. I would not recognize him as the God of all comfort, nor could he help those who suffer in their afflictions, and slowly but constantly, would make this world my home.
Shouldn’t I be grateful to you for punishing me, whipping me and slapping me, in your perfect love and wisdom?While no pain is pleasant right now, doesn’t it produce a much larger one?hatreds, impunes, rebels, abandoned, isn’t the wide path the easiest?
Throughout his conversation, I still detect a tremor in his voice
I see it in you, too. Now I see more clearly what is at stake, can I see more clearly what it’s like to sit on the rubble of the previous day, deeply moved by the sight of your children with your skull crushed, and still have the strength to proclaim?We set out their empty promises when our bloodied souls prefer God to your bandages and your supposed blessings. When we are placed in the theater of suffering, we show before the heavens that your spells are nothing but cheap forgeries.
Does my soul cling to the Lord? Yes, with a weak squeeze, like a baby grabbing his father’s finger, but his right hand holds me.
So I should let you rot in these ruins?
Oh, that’s not my ending. I remind you and my soul at the same time: I travel to a place where the curse is overcome, mistakes become false and tears no longer exist, it is the great calm after storms, the great triumph after battle, the great light after deep darkness. And my trembling heart and swollen eyes anticipate this joy that goes up even higher because I have experienced sadness.
Pleasure will intensify because I knew the pain. The music will be softer because I moaned once. My smiles will renew because they were wet with tears before. I will feel the unwavering kingdom more firmly under my feet after this world of shadows. The king will kiss me with his hands, marked by the pains defeated. Will all this preach an endless sermon of glory?And the cost, of forgiven sin.
Even if you tempt me, this difficult path followed by all the saints goes beyond pain, beyond blinding tears, beyond the valleys, far beyond the winds that cut and howl. I’m more than a victor thanks to who loved me. Painful days have passed, he, Jesus.
And when was I getting ready to hear an answer?Silence
So feed yourself to God; but he resists the devil, and he will run away from you. ?(Tg 4. 7).