Let’s try a conversational experience, okay? You can recognize some of the following statements in conversations in your own social circles.
How’s she still single?
“He’s single, but he still has great leadership potential. “
? No, I’m not married. Just single?.
Each of these statements refers to the fact that the person is single, but human beings are unable to discuss the facts impartially, do we have opinions on these facts?Or we could say interpretations of those facts, singles that have arisen from the surface of the previous statements: if a woman is attractive enough, there is simply no explanation to be single; Leadership is best demonstrated in a married person; The?Celibacy is a reduced state (? Right?) In relation to marriage.
This fundamental distinction between facts and interpretation is useful for guiding disused singles. By interpretation, I mean only the meaning they give their celibacy, how they feel, what opinions they have about it. If loneliness is a fact, then discontent is interpretation.
Identifying discontent as an interpretation does not take effect, but it helps singles deal with their experience before the Lord. How do we know discontent is an interpretation?Well, the fact is that not all singles are deprecated, and those who are can’t be left in disuse for different reasons, at different levels of intensity or with different frequencies. Some struggle with more casual discontent, triggered by specific interactions or situations, while others struggle with a more chronic discontent that rises in their lives like a fog that never goes away.
A good shepherd has to be a good listener? and after being a good listener, a good guide. This is true in all situations in which church members find themselves, including the discontent of being celibate. So here’s a quick strategy to help someone deal with their unhappy experience of being single.
“Questions like this are attempts to help singles understand the meaning they give to their status. In the broadest sense, those who are unhappy realize: to be single?Like a form of suffering. Then, before embarking on the language of the “gift of celibacy, I strongly recommend that you explore the question of why, in particular for them, loneliness hurts.
These reasons can range from loneliness itself to a broader disappointment that permeates other areas of life. Experience may involve fear of being excluded from the coexistence or jealousy of those who seem to enjoy such privilege. This may include guilt for not being assertive enough, disgust at not being attractive enough, frustration at not being sought, or widespread despair due to collapse.
All these experiences indicate some assessment that celibacy is an obstacle to what these people want, that is, marriage represents certain values for them and they are painfully aware that they do not have access to those values, as a pastor, you must help them. to become aware of these specific desires before the Lord. But before we come to the path of dealing with desires before the Lord, let us add another factor that contributes to his interpretation of his celibacy.
“Singles are well aware of how others interpret their celibacy. Parents and family members are often eager to share their opinion explicitly or to make the kind of comment that drips with implicit meaning, such as statements from our previous little experience. you can greatly help single people by freeing them from the meaning others attribute to your celibacy.
This includes family and close friends, but does it also include public conversations in which they participate?The shepherds they sit with, the popular bloggers they read, the romantic comedies they see, even the stories they’ve heard since childhood. What does your culture mean for celibacy? Often, there are many unintentional (and even stupid) mistakes mixed.
Your own opinion and that of your culture on celibacy should be subject to something higher.
God says at least two things about celibacy: it is suffering and it is a gift.
Don’t jump on the gift side without asserting the part of the suffering. In the broadest theological terms, suffering is the pain of living outside of God’s immediate presence, where we were designed to live in perfect intimacy with Him. The benefits of this intimacy are reflected in the marriage covenant he established for men and women (Genesis 2:18). For those who desire these benefits, not receiving them is a form of suffering, for it is excluded from what God calls well. Sharpen these desires. In other words, the lack of these values that God has created as good implies the same kind of suffering as those recognized in the Psalms (for example, Psalms 31, 37, 38, 42-43, 73).
But place these desires within the broader framework of how God leads his children into this present age of waiting. While for some it is the specific gift of celibacy (1Co 7. 6-7), this is not my point here. What I mean is that God is wise enough to make even a gift suffer. God often remembers the things he thinks are good at moving us forward through the things he says are the best.
This is the secret of Paul’s contentment: good is given or omitd, he considers that the value of Christ Jesus’ knowledge is superior to everything, and this is something he recognized he had to learn (Phil 4:11). Are you in a hurry to get paul’s victorious statement about satisfaction?”Can I do everything that strengthens me? We forget that satisfaction is learned. And the learning environment is necessarily difficult for everyone.
It is a learning process to continually submit our interpretations to God. Let us consider what he says about the knowledge of Christ as the highest value that dominates all values. As singles learn to see their bachelor through this lens, they will find greater satisfaction. Won’t this contentment be pain-free? Since there is real suffering?But he may be free of whispers.
If discontent is an interpretation, so is satisfaction, it is a single person who is confident that what suffers most in his condition is not permanent, this is not part of his permanent identity. If Christ is the ultimate fulfillment of any benefit that marriage can bring in part, then no one is excluded from the best.
As pastors, we must help single people be patient in the process of learning to be happy, not acting as if their celibacy is just a gift. For many, it’s suffering. But God’s grace will help you suffer with hope.