One of the most painful situations you face in the ministry occurs when those who are your greatest supporters turn against you. I remember shuddering when I read Spurgeon’s words: “Get ready when your dearest brother betrays you. “Are you saying it’s going to happen?
In more than 16 years of ministry, I still remember the most painful and hateful letter I have ever received. He was one of the most dear supporters and supporters of my ministry and myself, a brother who had just left the church because of a difficult decision. that we had to do and that affected him personally.
How do you deal with this kind of betrayal? 3 suggestions
React thinking about longevity. The natural reaction we all have is to treat the problem as if it were to be solved immediately, the fact is that we rarely have the power to achieve reconciliation between us and the offended party, especially if it interrupts communion and leaves the church. That’s not to say we’re not trying, but the fact is that reconciliation often doesn’t happen quickly. That brings us to the next suggestion.
Don’t say or do anything you regret years later. Although the pastor is often the target, he also has the power and conditions in the church to manipulate the situation in his favor. For example, people leave angry because of a situation. , and in the next assembly, the congregation wants to know why, when I found myself in this situation and was tempted to express to the congregation, at that moment, all the pain, anger, frustration, and disappointment, I did not do so by the grace of God. Don’t make that mistake. I wanted to do it, but it did not seem right to me, when I look back and remember this assembly, verbally attacking those who were not present would have been a sin and would have closed the door to future reconciliation with them years later. I was silent.
Make sure you have other men around to help you discern the accusations. That’s why he needs other shepherds around him. A personal attack on you, your character and your ministry requires a more objective opinion to accurately assess the charges. A personal attack led by a beloved member of the church will always provoke emotions that cloud his judgment. Let other pastors who know you well and can talk honestly about your life evaluate the revisions. Is there any truth to them? Other biblically qualified men in your church who know the person who attacks you will be your best tool of discernment. So get these men on your toes.
The reason I decided to write about this is this important letter that I received last week, it was written by the same person who wrote the most painful letter I mentioned earlier, the essence of the letter is summed up in this section:
For several years I have struggled with the idea of writing to him, I didn’t really know what to say or how to handle it, I want to apologize for the letter I wrote to him when I left church, I felt hurt and betrayed by you, when I was actually wrong. Accept my sincere request for forgiveness.
I also sent a very kind letter to my wife: How kind the Lord is to us in these times!Even though I still keep the decision I had to make, I have certainly made painful decisions to deal with this unpleasant situation. The letter led me and my wife to reflect on this person’s true humility and God’s grace the gift of reconciliation with someone who was us and who is always much loved to us.
Unfortunately, like many of you, I could also write this post about other situations that have not yet been resolved, and tears form in my eyes when I think about these strained relationships, it will always be part of the pastoral ministry. However, I learn that God’s timetable for these matters is generally much slower than ours; God matures us as shepherds while we wait, so in the meantime, in the painful moments of betrayal, heed these suggestions. consolation, your joy and the one who will always be with you in these moments. Don’t forget to ask God to restore any relationships that are still broken. I am learning of the amazing goodness and power of God. He is capable.