People often ask for pastoral advice on whether they are on the right track (work, studies, change of residence, dates, etc. ). I’ve had several conversations like this in the last few days and I’ve noticed the value of thinking in terms of the variables involved in the heart exam.
Often the difficulty is not so much in choosing, but in understanding your own heart and seeing what you consider (right or wrongly) as the most important thing; sometimes it’s the excess weight we give to variables that makes it difficult to choose. they usually help. Some examples:
- Changing jobs: The person is fine at work.
- But then there is a new offer that changes several variables: salary.
- Hours.
- Type of work.
- Travel time in traffic What is the heart that weighs the most?One way to look better is to do mental exercise to reduce variables.
- At work.
- Think about it that way.
- If all that changed was work.
- But the salary was the same and everything else was the same.
- Would you even consider change?variables.
- This will help you see what really moves your heart.
New boyfriend: Should I move on or is it time to stop?Change the variables! Think of something you really enjoy and exercise in mind: if it wasn’t, how much would make the difference, do you want to continue?Do you think of another factor, which is not but would you like it to be?If it were somehow, how much would that weigh on my evaluation?What makes me insecure or confident in the relationship?Do I agree with things? This will help you look in the mirror. Sometimes they look good, but they don’t really see how they weigh what they see.
Buy a car: this is one of the most complete options!Color, model, size, price, equipment . . . sometimes you find yourself in front of an offer and the question remains whether you really like it, or you just convince yourself that you like it because it’s very annoying to look for a car. Think about variables. If it was 20% more expensive, would you still want to?If there was another one like this, but the image was ugly, how much would that weigh in your decision?
Change of residence: What is it? Many things: costs, work to change, neighborhood, getting to work, quality of life . . . and it’s very difficult to measure everything. Playing mentally with variables, keeping certain fixed and imagining only occasional changes, we see better what we value or not.
This principle can be useful to think about any type of decision, in the end the idea is to learn to be more honest with what drives us to choose.
Anyway, all this to try to help. Sometimes, as Pascal said, the heart has reasons that reason itself does not know, it is a way of trying to see the inside better.