detox
- The purpose of this series of articles is to steer young people towards sexual detoxification.
- Sexual messages taught in society and in particular pornography have left a whole generation of men with false perspectives on the act.
- Meaning and purpose of sex.
- We try to unite the principle of a theology of sex.
- Showing why God gave us sex.
- Why He gave us sexual desire and why he gave sexual desire in unequal measures for men and women.
- Let’s see what sex is.
- And then start showing that you can love your wife through sex.
- Now that we understand the meaning and purpose of sex.
- We are led to ask ourselves: how does a husband express his love for his wife in the Is this where we get to what I know you probably want or really need to know?What should I and should not do in bed?.
However, let’s stop first quickly to see the negative side of sex and see what sex isn’t.
SEX IS NOT?
Sex is not supreme. You may not learn that from this society and you certainly won’t learn from pornography, but sex isn’t the most important thing. Sex is a good and wonderful gift from God, but it is not supreme. Inside and outside marriage, there is a tendency to make sex bigger than it is, to allow it to be a kind of idol. Our idols are always good things that we attach great importance to. Sex is exactly that kind of good thing that can become something much bigger. A good gift from God can begin to usurp the position of the God who gave it. Few things in life lead to idolatry as often, with as much power as sex.
Sex is not trivial. Sex is too powerful for us to play with. It’s almost impossible for someone to treat sex trivially and not be more attracted to it. It’s very powerful, very captivating. A boyfriend and a girlfriend who are starting to have sex will rarely be able to stop, even if they wish; a boy who starts masturbating can rarely stop; as you probably know, someone who starts watching pornography will soon want to do it. Of course, is that part of sexual function?God wanted him to be attractive, desirable, and almost irresistible, but outside his own context, sex is captivating, leading to jail for sin. We mustn’t play with sex. It should be completely avoided outside of its own context and then welcome to marriage. There’s no room for anything else or anything less.
Sex isn’t primarily about you. It is quite possible for women to testify that they understand this concept better than their husbands; however, sex ultimately does not concern your spouse, but God. Ultimately, you must do so out of obedience to God’s command that husband and wife often love sex. Although a woman may be motivated by a desire to please her husband or avoid a fight, her primary or primary motivation must be obedience to God. If you have no desire to have sex, do so out of love for your spouse. Even if neither you nor your spouse has a desire to have sex, make love to obey God.
THE PROBLEM OF FOCUSING ACTS
I said pornography gives you bad ideas about sex, and you ask what that means, so here’s the big question: what is normal sex?That’s the kind of question I might be tempted to ask, but it’s probably the wrong question. Normal is a moving goal, the kind that can change from couple to couple, from culture to culture, from time to time. is: what is God’s purpose when it comes to sex?It is a broad question, which will lead us to an answer that can include even specific acts and exclude others. However, I don’t want to get caught up in any sexual acts, because it can be more of a distraction than a help. And I hope this question will take us back to the rest of this series, building this theology of sexuality. If you haven’t read these chapters yet, this would be a good time to stop and do that.
The principle that we, as human beings, always want to ask is: “How far can I go?”But the best and most biblical question about sex is “what makes you happy. “Of course, even this good question must be asked with the awareness that there are things that God expressly forbids and others that He expressly commands. These are firm limits. Sex should be alone and always between husband and wife. Introducing another person into this relationship, either physically or simply graphically, as through shared pornography, is a perversion of the individual nature of sexuality. Sex must be done out of love, not amor. de anger (i. e. , a man can rape his own wife if imposed on him violently. What a violation of sex!). Sex, like the rest of life, must be done with self-control, not an unreasonable lack of self-control.
Within these God-given limits, given for our good, there is immense freedom. Is it the freedom to explore, discover, play, say? Yes?,? Not? or? Never more. But it is a freedom that must be sanctified, sanctified, especially for those who have seen their understanding of sex shaped by pornography. The things that are supposed to turn pornstars on are probably not the ones that will turn your wife on or make her feel loved and appreciated rather than diminished in her marital bed. Why? Because the things you’ve seen in porn are things that were created to excite those who are already hardened against the good and pure. They are acts prepared to stimulate the hard heart, not the loving heart (I put it in italics because I want you to understand it, think about it). Do you understand what I am saying here? Many of the things we see on screen when we watch pornography are not the kind of things you should try to do or force on your wife. Magazines and counseling sites (Christian and non-Christian) are full of questions about what constitutes normal sexual behavior. When I look at the questions people ask, it is not difficult to tell who has viewed porn. The questions they ask are basically, “Is it okay if my wife and I do this pornographic act?”
Do you see kindness in pornography or do you see violence?Do you see any softness in the pornography you watch or is it degrading?Sex is selfless and generous, but isn’t pornography just about getting and winning?Isn’t it a matter of meeting my needs now?Sex has limits, but doesn’t pornography assume that everything I feel or want is acceptable just because I want it?Pornography doesn’t care about boundaries.
But I can’t?
If I had to give you a list of? And you don’t, this would be the place to do it. Or you could type a long checklist with x in some boxes and not in others. “Yes, you can do it, yes you can do it, no, you can’t do it. “In a sense, I think it would be useful, but at the same time, it would definitely reflect my conscience, my strengths, my weaknesses. It would inevitably be legalistic on the one hand and financial on the other. What one couple finds fortunately enjoyable can be disgusting to another. Someone’s freedom is someone else’s captivity. Is this one of the strange realities of the way God created us?They made us different and gave us different consciences. Therefore, there is great freedom in marriage to explore, try new things and enjoy things that are mutually pleasing.
Instead of this long but disappointing and unnecessary checklist, let me give you the following instructions and let you, at some point, complete it with your wife. Here are some useful questions to ask yourself.
What’s in my heart? Everything we do, whether in the room or elsewhere, is motivated by the heart. So it’s more valuable to ask “what’s in my heart so I want to do this?”That “this particular act is wrong. ” Jesus taught his disciples that it is what comes from within, not from external things, that pollutes man (Mark 7). All bad things, whether it’s adultery, greed or sexual immorality, come from within. Therefore, you must have a loving heart and I want to look inside your heart to find your motivation. Do only what is motivated by your wife’s love. Avoid things that are motivated by any kind of sin.
Is it the act of a dominator or a servant? You know very well that many acts of pornography are acts of conquest, not acts of love and service. You know that in pornography the pleasure of men is generally much greater and much more authentic than that of women. Don’t subject your wife to acts that would make her feel like it’s just a means to an end, that would make her feel dominated rather than loved and supported, as if she were contaminated rather than valued.
Do you like one or both? One of the goals of sex is to provide mutual pleasure; at best, sex allows both spouses to give and receive pleasure at the same time and through the same acts; sex is unique in this, powerful and satisfying in a unique way. There may be some inequality in giving and receiving pleasure, but each spouse must always seek the greatest pleasure of the other, not of themselves. Never be happy at your spouse’s expense; don’t do acts that please each other and upset the other.
Does it alter your conscience or that of your spouse? Conscience is a special gift from God and something He commands us to listen to (Titus 1:15). While God gives the same Law to all of us through His Word, He gives each of us a conscience that is ours. We must listen to this awareness. and not violate it. Do not violate your conscience about certain acts or cheat on your wife by violating hers.
Can you thank God for that? It is difficult to thank God for the things we have done in violation of law or conscience. When considering private acts, it is important to wonder if you could thank God for them. Don’t do anything you can. ‘ I don’t thank God.
In many cases, these instructions can be disappointing to convince you that certain pornography-fueled fantasies may not come true. You’ll find out there are things you’ve looked at and would like to try, but they violate some of those problems. Some things that are normal in pornography are forbidden by God and are a sin against him and his wife; However, if you trust in God, you will know that He will give you grace not only to overcome, truly overcome you, but also to find more fun in bigger and purer things. Many engaged couples will tell you that, for years and decades, they have found great and growing pleasure in what, according to pornography, would be a very boring sex. have proved much more interesting, much more attractive, much more satisfying than any pleasure you would find doing crazy things. Do you trust God that this may be the case for you and your fiancé?
Q&A
1. Have you ever played with sex, awakening sexual desire before the right time and context?
2. What is the potential risk of focusing on a list of acts when considering what is allowed in sex?
In the article, I said that the acts you see in pornography are designed to induce lust in the hearts of people who are already hardened against God’s true plan for sex. You think that’s true?
4. Which of the five guidelines in this chapter was most noted for having no relation to the acts you saw in pornography?
5. Which of the five guidelines made you realize that some of your thoughts and expectations about sex have been affected by pornography?
6. Do you think sex life is normal? With a partner, can it be more rewarding and interesting than acts stimulated by pornographic fantasy?