The following text was taken from Tedd Tripp’s book Pastoreando o Cora’ao da Crianca, by Editora Fiel.
Your first goal, in correction, should not be to tell your children what you think of what they have done or said, but to try to understand what is happening in them. The scriptures say it comes from the abundance of the heart. who speaks his mouth; therefore, it must make them understand what is happening inside.
- The important thing about correction is not to express your feelings.
- Anger.
- Or pain; it’s more about understanding the nature of the conflict your child is experiencing.
- The important thing is to understand why? What was done or said.
- You need to understand not only what happened.
- But what’s going on inside your child.
- Remember: it is the abundance of the heart that speaks the mouth.
- Your questions during correction are: What is the specific content of your heart’s abundance in this circumstance?How did you respond to this temptation?.
If you can understand and help your child understand these problems, he’ll be on the right path to understanding the event. You have to go beyond behavior and discern your child’s inner world in this situation. Although heart problems can never be understood foolproofly, this research is worth it. Imagine the scene: your child puts on the new sneakers. Did you know that yesterday afternoon, when you bought them, that the boy wasn’t very happy with these sneakers, but they were the ones you could buy. Now, as she prepares to go to school, she cries. How do we handle the situation? If your goal is to let you know how you feel, you can say something like this:
? Look, I know you don’t like tennis, but this is the one I could afford, don’t act like a crying baby, what would Paulo say if I told you you were crying about something like that?After all, the Slippers will wear out and in a few days no one will know what they were like. Why do you care what these kids think of your sneakers?Who said they were experts in the field? You should be grateful to have only a pair of sneakers. These sneakers, which you don’t like, cost more than my first car. Look, I have to go to work, do I have more important things to worry about than a pair of sneakers?
However, if your primary goal is to understand your child’s internal conflicts, you may have a conversation like this:
? You’re upset about your sneakers, aren’t you?
? I am.
? I realized you didn’t like them when we bought it yesterday afternoon. You didn’t want to tell me, did you?
? Their.
? What do you dislike about them?
? They’re strangers.
? I don’t understand what you’re saying.
? Paulo said they’re ugly
? When did you see them? We bought it yesterday afternoon.
? Luus bought a couple of them and Paulo said he looked like a “guy. “
What is one? Doubt Ah!What does a “doubt” mean in that shoe?
? That red stripe on the back. They don’t put red stripes on the new ones. They’re shoes from last year; so they were cheap.
Oh, ah! I understand that. you’re afraid they’ll call you “doubt, ” aren’t you?
? Their.
? It really hurts, doesn’t it?
? Sus. Mem going. I don’t know why they have to worry about my sneakers, but I know they’re going to call me “doubt. “
What are you learning? Your child is struggling with feelings you’ve already felt. There’s real pressure on the third-grade class. He’s under pressure to be approved by his colleagues. This circumstance brings out the hopes and fears of his heart.
The purpose of your communication can be described in several simple proposals:
In short: you want to understand your child’s internal conflicts, you have to look at the world through his eyes. This will let you know which aspects of the gospel life message are appropriate for this conversation.
To understand your child and help him understand himself, there are skills to develop. You must learn to help your children express themselves. You have to learn to make the conversation easier. You need to understand what’s behind behavior and words. You must seek wisdom to discern the questions of the heart. Proverbs 20. 5 says: “As deep water, they are the goals of man’s heart, but intelligent man knows how to discover them. “To fulfill our parenting task, we must seek wisdom.
This is a wonderful opportunity to wear next to our children. When you discover your internal conflicts with sin, you are on the right path. You, like them, are a sinner. Therefore, you can use your knowledge of the nature of temptation to help you understand your own temptations.
In what conversations above will the child be considered understood?In what conversation can the gospel be presented more strongly?The answers are obvious.
This will involve developing the ability to explore the heart. Most parents have had a conversation with their children similar to this:
Mom:? Why did you hit your sister?
Jenior: (stopping, looking at the ground)? I don’t know.
Mom: (exasperated) What do you mean? I don’t know??
Junior:? I don’t know
And so on. If Mom’s the “short wick” type, it would be better if Junior started knowing something urgently!Junior just refuses to talk?Probably not. You are simply asked what you do not know how to answer; it does not have the depth of understanding and self-reflection that allows it to intelligently answer his mother’s questions; you need the questions to be asked in a different way.
The “Why You” as a form of interrogation does not work with children (and rarely with adults). I suggest some productive questions:
Or maybe: how did the fight get worse after hitting him?
Each answer to these questions can open up other avenues of research, to understand what was behind Junior’s behavior.
Therefore, there are many different questions that deal with the child’s sin and that help parents understand the spiritual conflicts of their child’s heart in relation to God and their need for grace and redemption in Christ. I emphasize this point: you must strive to understand the nature of the internal conflict that has been expressed in the behavior; for example, when Junior hit his sister.
As the child answers questions, his role is to help him understand himself and encourage him to speak clearly and honestly about his internal conflicts with sin.
There are three questions you should explore with your child: (1) the nature of temptation, (2) each person’s possible reactions to temptation, and (3) their own reactions to temptation.
In this process, you are up and next door, this is above, because God has called you to exercise a role of discipline and correction; He is next door, because he is also a sinner who fights angrily against others. Some are so sympathetic to the child, in their failure (how can I correct it if I have the same feelings?), that they fail to correct them. Others are placed so high that their children are hypocritically est distanced. Remember that you interact with your children as an agent of God, so you have the right and obligation to censor evil. You must do it as a sinner, together with them, being able to understand how sin works in the human being. Therefore, correction must be done with humility of heart.
Pastoring the hearts of children is a work on how to speak to the hearts of our children. The things your child says and does come from the heart. Luke 6. 45 says it with the following words: The mouth speaks of what is full in the heart. Written for parents of children of all ages, this informative book offers insights and how-tos for connecting a child’s heart to lifestyles.
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