“Assumptions are really what makes things difficult.
Okay and eager to know more, I looked for similar reports of singles from different churches. When you try to hear and learn from singles: young, old, men, women, divorcees, widowers, workers, students, seminarians, my goal was to understand the true meaning of their experience as a bachelor in the church.
- As my friend continued.
- I was saddened by the ignorance of some people who pray publicly for singles on the basis of these premises of lust or loneliness.
- I congratulated myself on never doing something so insensitive (or stupid!).
However, my air of superiority did not last. Before long, my misconceptions became clear, I thought about how I had overlooked a bachelor’s anguish, assuming he “just needs to get married. “Or as I had recommended to a single woman to be a nanny at the last minute, assuming her schedule is flexible. Or how I asked the bachelors what they thought of the new boy or girl in church, assuming a desire for marriage without asking.
Now I’m ashamed to think about how my own assumptions led to insensitivity. He was authentic, but ignorant.
You were probably authentic too, but ignorant. You may not have prayed publicly for a person’s burning desire (and I really hope you haven’t), but you, like me, have unconsciously said or done offensive things. singles in his custody. Despite true affection, ignorance of what singles think, feel, and really need has led to difficult and even altered relationships.
It turns out that many of these disciplinary disasters could be avoided if we stopped taking enough time to listen.
So I tried to do exactly that: sit down and listen to a lot of singles. Listening, have I learned how nuanced celibacy can be, nuances that we, brothers and sisters in Christ and above all Church leaders, would do well in There are simple things we can do (or not do!) so that singles know that we love and respect them as companions who bear the image of God.
So the next one is a “Do” list. In the discipleship that singles in your church need you to know. They serve me both as a married woman, as pastors and other church leaders. Together, let’s strive to love and care for singles in a more useful than offensive way.
1. DO: Meet the person
Singles are complete people, with full and interesting lives. There is much to learn about these bright, prudent, and pious people in your church. Look for ways to get to know them. Ask them about their lives. Talk to them before and after services. Invite them to dinner or coffee and listen to their history. Discover your interests and passions? Laugh with them and enjoy their presence. Show a real interest in meeting them as people.
DO NOT: Suppose celibacy defines that person’s life.
Singles are no less than a person or half person simply because they are single, so don’t treat them as such. One woman said candidly: “Get to know me first and realize that celibacy is only part of who I am. part of it, which is not who I am. That doesn’t define who I am. Does Jesus define me?
2. DO: Start discipleship
Singles want to grow up in their relationship with Jesus by their side, but they don’t want to overload or overload their agenda by asking for time. Think about help if the relationship has started. Invite someone to gather for coffee for an hour each week or any other week to read the book of Colossses and pray together. Invite someone to come while the children sleep to talk and pray. Ask someone if they could meet at the center over lunch to talk about theology and life. There are many options, all of which start with the initiative.
YOU MUST NOT: Start another program.
Singles don’t need programs. Singles departments are often seen as a butcher’s shop where all singles are sent to meet and get married, or are a place for single people to gather and focus on their celibacy. I recognize that there are useful apartments for singles. I found myself expressing a desire to focus on Jesus and grow up as disciples organically and non-programmatically with people at different stages of life (and not just with other singles).
3. DO: Ask, “How can I pray for you?”
Do singles want your prayers, like you, do they need prayer for all the real things in life that make requests?Overworked jobs, interesting opportunities, stressful relationships, growing in piety, open doors to share the gospel, etc. single person, ask, “How can I pray for you?” Then listen to him, take the requests, and pray for it.
NO: Pray based on your own assumptions.
You may be asked to pray for someone’s battle against pornography or difficulty with loneliness, but assuming that every person burns with desire or dies of loneliness is simplistic and, frankly, offensive. When you have the opportunity to pray for a person, especially in a public place like a small group, don’t you think they need it?or even if you want them to pray for ‘your bachelor’.
4. FACTS: Use singles in the church
Singles are indispensable resources for the church. One person explained: “Due to the nature of celibacy, we have programming flexibility capable of carrying out all kinds of ministry, from helping the elderly to offering a few hours off to a new mother. infinite possibilities? Don’t be afraid to ask the bachelors to serve!All I have known have expressed a desire to use their celibacy well for the kingdom of God. Examine the various ministries in your church (for example, small groups, prayer nights, youth and ministries of children, worship groups, teaching functions, member care, general workers, ministries of women, etc. ) and consider whether singles with gifts can be better used in any of these areas.
NO: Make singles the “beasts of burden” of the church.
Singles are not professional babysitters or full-time church interns (unless, of course, they really are). There is a temptation to automatically use singles as volunteers for everything from babysitting to cleaning up the congregation meeting, although they are free to serve. of the body, do not take advantage of this freedom to ensure the proper functioning of your church. Also, don’t assume that freedom means they have nothing else to do. Respect the fact that singles have commitments, work, responsibilities, and the need to rest like everyone else.
5. DO: Recognize that singles need privacy
Aren’t singles free from the deep human need for intimacy?Intimacy with and between God. The body of Christ should be a place where singles can find a deep human connection, in practical terms this means that believers invite and integrate singles into their lives: eating together, making devotions, watching football, washing clothes, resting on a Saturday reading. books and talk about life, laughing at YouTube videos, cleaning at home, talking about redemption, fighting sin and even rocking your baby. Don’t assume that the single person living alone doesn’t know some of these relational components as naturally as a family of five.
DO NOT: Suppose marriage and children are the only way to meet this need.
At the same time, while marriage and family are the main ways to satisfy intimacy, do not assume that everyone you meet must marry and have children in order to thrive as a true human being. Jesus, the most real human being, showed us what it is like to flourish as a single person in a deep relationship with his Father and other friends. Although the single person aspires to intimacy, the church needs categories for the desire to be satisfied beyond marriage and children.
6. DO: Put them in appropriate leadership roles
Trained and gifted singles must assume appropriate leadership roles. Recently, the lead pastor invited a trained seminarian to begin a Bible study for women in his church. Was this talented, trained single woman perfect for work?pastor recognized him! She now directs Bible studies, speaks personally, and prepares to teach women at a conference. Her love for Jesus and her Word, her theological formation, and her humble heart qualify her to serve in this leadership capacity; none of these qualifications are related to your marital status.
DO NOT: Wait until you are married to call them to lead.
Many singles fear they won’t be taken seriously in church until they get married. If you do not dare to allow a talented and qualified person to perform a proper function, simply because he is not married, then he is only reinforcing that fear I must remind us all that the founder of our religion (Jesus) and the greatest missionary of our movement (Paul) were single, so there is a precedent for a person to lead powerfully into the kingdom of God.
7. TO: Search for singles at your Sunday meeting
Be intentional to notice and sit with singles on Sunday mornings. One woman shared how sweet and bitter Sundays were, because she loved her new church, but she feared being alone, feeling invisible and displaced. Someone else told me how hard it is, to talk in the parish hall like a single person when everyone’s married. A simple and easy way to love singles is to sit with them during service, chat or stand next to them in the lobby, or have a coffee before service and walk. It may seem un important, but it reminds you that you notice them and that your presence on Sundays is important to the body.
I also encourage her to remember practical needs during the week. As a woman, I was impressed by the needs of single women in church, especially older widows or women who do not live near male parents. Offering help assembling furniture, repairing your cars, or helping them with hitchhikers will show you the gospel in a tangible way.
DO NOT: Reduce singles to one? Project? People
Although you should notice singles in a church meeting, don’t look for potential partners during the service. Of course, celibacy can be a loneliness, but it’s not a problem to solve or a disease to cure. that you’re one Cupid? Putting unnecessary pressure on singles among themselves to marry or invite two people to dinner in the hope that they will “know each other” is an embarrassing and unattractive experience for most singles. Do them, love them personally, don’t you, that’s available to be a couple for them.
The last few months have been full of relationships with singles and discussions about God’s things with good food and hot coffee. Although I had moments of “putting my feet in my hands”, they were kind and incredibly helpful. I’m honored to have a glimpse into their lives.
What a gift for the church! Encourage yourself, Christians, to seek relationships with singles in your church, making small changes that will, over time, result in great gains in your church life.