After three years of marriage, my wife, Trisha, woke up in the middle of the night and realized she wasn’t in bed, went into our living room and, as soon as she saw the TV, I quickly switched channels.
He started asking me about what I was seeing, why I wasn’t in bed and why I switched channels right away. Then came the repetitive question: do you fight pornographic lust?The more I asked, the more intense the conversation became.
- Then I denied everything.
- I told him I was just checking the channels and I told him about what he saw.
- I convinced her that I did not suffer from pornography or desire; she had nothing to fear.
- I was lying.
I didn’t know it then, but that night would be the first of many opportunities I had during the first 10 years of marriage to be honest about my pornography addiction. I was a shepherd and pastors do not suffer from lust or pornography. At least no pastor I know has had any problems. I was lonely.
The truth is, I wasn’t alone, I had friends I could talk to. I had trusted colleagues I’d lied to. There were other shepherds I was fleeing from when I was asked about sins and sexual struggles.
In my mind, were my intentions good? I was trying to protect my marriage, the reality was that pornography was telling me lies and I was buying them all.
Given the number of people suffering from it, we don’t talk enough, even up close, we don’t talk about it in our families. We don’t talk about it in our churches, we think avoiding the subject will make you leave. Statistically speaking, more than 50% of men who read this text have recently been exposed to pornography and it is not just a ‘men’s problem’. Approximately 30% of online pornography users are women and do not simply disappear.
Here are the three lies pornography has told me and it will also tell you:
No matter how many times you’ve watched pornography, this was your last time, why do you really think it’s going to be the last time you buy this magazine, go to this website, download this movie?You don’t have to confess, because it was your last time. See you tomorrow or next week or next month. Is this the last time? If pornography can convince you that “this is the last time,” you won’t tell anyone.
Do you know what pornography has done to other couples, to other friends, to other families, to other church leaders?But, in fact, you’re not a drug addict in pornography. You can stop doing it anytime. Besides, it doesn’t have the same effect on you as it does on others. It will not harm your life, your marriage, your children, your church and your ministry as it has been with others.
Pornography wants you to live in secret. Pornography leads us to weigh the cost of confession at the cost of hiding, and convinces us that hiding will be less painful. You think it helps you and your marriage by hiding your pornography addiction. His wife? Or husband won’t understand. Your marriage won’t recover. Your credibility cannot be reconstructed.
Something I learned the hard way: hiding sin never gives us the power to overcome it. The freedom you dream of is found in confession. Freedom costs something in the short term, but not as much as slavery in time.
Believing in these lies will never give you the power to overcome them. Trying to stop you won’t give you the power to stop, but freedom is possible.
This is what I believe with all my heart: if you suffer from pornography, God is not disappointed in you; He is fighting for you, he died, and he conquered sin and death so that you can have victory in this area of your life.
Where are we going to start How can we overcome something that clings to our hearts and keeps us in shame and guilt?The first place I recommend to anyone dealing with pornography is to start with a Christian counselor. My wife and I needed someone with greater perspective and wisdom than ours. to help us overcome this conflict in my life.
In addition, I want to share with you a principle that I believe has the power to bring freedom, hope and healing to your heart. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.
Healing is through confession and prayer. I know it sounds quite clichéd, but let’s look at the scriptures: Confess your sins and pray for each other to be healed. Many can, because of their effectiveness, defeat the righteous (James 5. 16).
The type of confession to which James refers is not the confession of forgiveness; is the confession to heal. There is a healing that comes to our hearts when we confess our sins.
Many of us are used to the “forgiveness” part of confession. We know that to obtain God’s forgiveness, we must confess our sins. Maybe you grew up confessing to a priest, maybe it’s something you do during your time with God. , maybe it’s something you do after you’ve made a big mistake. Most of us know that God’s forgiveness comes through confession.
We don’t talk much in church about the confession of “healing. “In fact, we have built a religious system that tries to find a cure by hiding sins, without confessing them. The sins we confess are “safe” sins: envy, bitterness, materialism, anger, and selfishness.
I was the master of that, did he seem to be authentic?For confessing socially accepted sins living as a prisoner of sins that I was not inclined to confess for years, I missed the healing that God aspired to bring to my heart not because I had not confessed my sins. to him, but because I refused to confess it to someone else.
But here are 3 truths pornography will never tell you
The secret sin you keep has power only as long as it remains secret. The Light will always overcome darkness. The difficult decision we face is to let the Light enter the darkness, into the most shameful parts of our hearts. God cannot heal the parts of our hearts that we refuse to bring to light, but when we do, we can be healed.