This text is taken from the re-editing of The Life of David Brainerd, by Jonathan Edwards, Faithful Editor
The Lord’s Day, September 11 (on horseback). I preached in the afternoon about Titus 3. 8, I believe that God has never helped me so much to describe true religiosity, to detect and unmask clearly, albeit with courtesy, false apparitions in religion, misdeatten jealousy, partisan jealousy, spiritual pride, etc. as well as a dogmatic and confident spirit, with its original source, that is, ignorance of the heart. At the beginning of the night, I dedicated myself to talking to these people in an attempt to remove some of the confusing ideas I had noticed among them.
- September 13.
- I went to New Haven.
- I felt depressed because I was not in my best mental attitude.
- At night I had a fruitful dialogue with the believers.
- Although my inner tribulations are great.
- The life of solitude offers me a greater opportunity to fix and penetrate even the deepest nooks and crannies of the soul.
- However.
- It is better to live alone than to be overwhelmed by restlessness and discomfort.
- I find it very difficult to maintain the sense of divine realities.
- While lazy from place to place.
- Always full of care and varied activities.
- A stable and fixed activity in one place facilitates a life dedicated to religion.
September 14th. I should have graduated today. But God thought it best to deny me this privilege, I thought I would be terribly frightened, overwhelmed by confusion and mental confusion, when I saw my companions graduate, yet, at that time, God allowed me to say, calmly and resuming: “Do the will of the Lord. “In fact, because of divine goodness, I hardly felt my mind so calm, so calm, in such great comfort, for a long time. I had long feared a period like this, hoping that my humility would test sweetness, patience and resignation; but I found much more divine pleasure and comfort than I expected. Spiritually, I felt serious, tender and affectionate in the private prayer I said today with a dear Christian friend.
September 15th. I was pleased to hear ministers present their sermons. It is always a comfort for me to listen and participate in religious and spiritual dialogues. Oh, if ministers and believers in general were more spiritual and more devoted of God!, following the advice of my fellow believers, I offered in writing to the rector and rectors of the university the reflections described below, reflections that are essentially the same as I had proposed to the rector some time ago, asking to accept that, if possible, I avoid any scandal on the part of those seeking such motives. The thoughts I proposed were:
“If I have told several people about Mr. Whittelsey, one of the professors at Yale College, who did not think he was more graceful than the chair on which I was leaning, I humbly confess now that I have sinned against God, acting against to the standards of His Word, and I have offended Mr. Whittelsey. I was not allowed to play his character that way and had no reason to speak the way I did. My absence was made even worse by saying this about who I was. superior It was in many ways, that I had an obligation to treat with special respect and honor, because of the relationship between him and me at the university. I also admit that this type of conduct does not depend on a believer, I exaggerated and failed Show the humble respect that I should have shown Mr. Whittelsey. I have long been convinced of the falsehood of this assessment with which I later justified my conduct. I have often reflected, sadly, on my behavior. Because it was an act of sin, I hope and am willing to humble myself, this opting for it before God and men. I humbly apologize to the directors of the university and to society as a whole, and to Mr. Whittelsey in particular. But as to the accusation, made by one person, of saying about the dean of Yale College, that I admired that he was not dead for having fined the scholars who had followed Mr. Tenez to Milford, he professed here, in all sincerity, that I don’t remember saying anything in that sense; but if I did, which I’m not sure, I strictly condemn this attitude, detesting all that kind of behavior, even more so of a student against the rector. And now I am standing for trial and conviction for going to the New Haven meeting once, just before I was kicked out, even though the dean denied my exit visa. For this reason, I humbly apologize to the Dean. And if the directors of the university believe that it is good to remove the academic censorship that weighs on me, or not, or they think that it is better to give me the privileges that I want, I am ready to run, if they think so, to admit it. , humiliate me for the things confessed here. ??
God made me want to do everything that is in accordance with the truth, for the sake of harmony, and not to act as a stumbling block for others. Because of this, I can forget and give up what I truly believe to be my right, in some cases after the most mature and impartial investigation. God gave me the just disposition that if someone has offended me a hundred times, and I have offended that someone only once (although provoked so many times), he feels inclined and wishes with all his heart to humbly confess my disappearance, asking forgiveness of knees ; although, at the same time, he feels justified in all the offenses against me, only using my humble admission to further denigrate my character, presenting me as the only culprit; Yes, even if this person wanted to offend me and say: “I knew everything before and I was helping him to repent. ” Although what I said about Mr. Whittelsey was only said in private conversation, to one or two friends, and someone who had just passed by overheard it, and it was reported to my friends and a snippet, and since the matter was made public and made public, I was willing to publicly confess my fault. But I hope that God will defend my case.
I witnessed the deep Christian spirit that Brainerd displayed at that time. So I was in New Haven and it seemed convenient to consult me. It was my first chance to see him in person. He showed great calm and humility, without the slightest appearance of exaltation of spirit at the mistreatment he was supposed to suffer, nor any hesitation in bowing down to those he believed had caused him difficulties. His confession was made without any complaint or appearance of reluctance, even in private, to his friends, with whom he openly opened up. Several appeals were launched on his behalf to the university authorities, so that he could receive his graduation diploma; and in particular by Pastor Burr, of Newark, one of the representatives of Scottish society. The other representatives had sent him from New Jersey to New Haven for this purpose. Many arguments have been used, but without success. In fact, the university principals were so pleased with Brainerd’s thoughts on himself that they were willing to admit him back to the university. But they did not deliver his graduation diploma, until he stayed there for at least twelve months, which he did not accept because it was contrary to the opinion expressed by the representatives of his mission. He wanted to graduate because he believed it could help expand his usefulness. However, when this privilege was denied, Brainerd showed no disappointment or resentment.